waking up with your period
if a girl asks you for a tampon, I dont care how much you hate that bitch if you have one you hand it over no one deserves that level of hell
I took a shit in my grandma’s cat’s litterbox when I was like 13 and my whole family was wilding out trying to figure out why the cat took such a huge dump. Then they took her to the vet and we found out she has feline HIV so in a way, I helped her.
this story was wild from start to finish
imagine a vampire going “fuck it” and just taking some antihistamines before going to town on a plate of garlic bread
later on it’s wheeled into the ER with like a puffed up face and it just goes “I have been on this earth 10 thousand years but i have not lived until this day”
I’m putting my cat on a vegan diet.
"how could you do that! that’s animal abuse"
No it’s not. a vegan-only diet is actually very healthy for them.
"cats are carnivores. they need to eat meat"
I know. that’s why it’s a vegan-only diet. I feed them only the finest vegans I can find.
I was about to go off on you
sometimes you see a pun so artfully constructed you just have to stand back in awe.
Okay so, where I live (Canada, Newfoundland) we have the smallest ponies.
And the biggest dogs
Here’s a size comparison for the Newfoundland dog
That is a full grown dog and pony together LOOK AT THAT!
Now if you don’t think that’s the greatest shit ever I don’t know what is!
I’m moving…BYE MOM
Was taking random pictures of my mother and this came out…pretty terrifying
#i dont remember this part of assassins creed
"E-books aren’t *real* books"
“TV is dumb”
“Kim Kardashian is a slut who got lucky”
“I hate all races equally”
“Ugh. PC users.”
“I love Richard Dawkins”
“You’re too hostile. Calm down. PMS?”
“Cops are only doing their job”
“Rap isn’t music. Listen to classical music more”
“America is the land of equality and opportunity”
“TheAmazingAtheist has some good points”
my vagina has never been dryer
I CHALLENGE YOU TO A BATTLE OF WITS
The game is this:
I set up five pairs of identical looking shots:
pineapple juice or lemon juice,
Chinese sugar tea or apple cider vinegar,
flat coke or soy sauce,
water or distilled white vinegar,
and tomato juice or Tabasco sauce.
I challenge a player in the circle to a color. They pick one and I take the other, with our best poker faces. Other players have to guess who got what.
It’s like the Princess Bride/A Study in Pink but no one gets poisoned!
you people are sick
Oh my god.